


Winter

by InLoveAndSqualor



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, M/M, MCR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-17
Updated: 2008-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLoveAndSqualor/pseuds/InLoveAndSqualor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Contest Entry<br/>Prompt/Theme: Winter</p></blockquote>





	Winter

_Gerard… he makes me think of winter._

_I don’t mean like recalling an actual event, a faded idyllic memory stuck in a year gone past. I mean that he himself, just by being, can conjure up the feel of that enigmatic and cruel season._

_His skin as pale and as flawless as newly fallen, virgin, snow. It is so intensely beautiful that it begs to be touched, then freezes and bites its admirer on contact. Heart as cold as deepest winter; and as hard as those glassy icicles that hang resplendent and glinting from frozen porches, from frost covered roofs. Eyes deep and blue, and piercing, like children, offspring, of a sky on a January morning. The horizon, cool and crisp, devoid of clouds mirrors those eyes, stunning in their brutality, to an exact hue._

_In winter the snow weighs down the leaves, bending their fragile frames, ever threatening to break. The snow it demands that they support, that they yield and bough, but never break or falter. I, as his friend, as the barer of such an endless tragic love, I am one of those leaves. I feel exactly their pain and despair; I feel the weight of him upon my aching shoulders. Every second of the unbearable, torturous strain I share with frail green brothers. And I, like the leaves, concede to inevitability. We are after all utterly stuck here as leaves. So naturally; and so entirely playing out our bestowed role._

_It covers and envelops, the winter, the bitter snow. And little escapes the drowning blanket of purest white. And when I think of or recall Gerard’s funny little ways, or his moments of purest kindness; they are winter aconite, or delicate snowdrops, blooming through the snow, surviving in the face of, in defiance of, the utter chill, that suffocating cold. He hides so well those warm kind feelings, behind his frozen façade. I fear one day that they will be forever lost to the numbing chill that he himself invokes and reigns so readily and utterly ruthlessly upon his own soul._

_Why when it’s winter do I see him in all its forms, in all its facets and guises? When I stare out at the frozen world, at nature crippled in cold, does he stares back through their visage, smiling._

_That’s why I love winter I suppose. I love winter because I love him. Because he is winter in human repose._

***

“It’s beautiful today isn’t it?” Frank sighs. Staring out at snow covered ground. Brown branches topped with white, tipped and spread with cold and frost.

Gerard looks up nonchalantly from his notes and turns his head to the window. He looks out and grimaces.

“I guess… If you like the freezing cold snow,” he replies sleepily.

“I do,” frank replies absentmindedly, lost in thoughts of love unrequited; of desires dashed in the face of indifference.

A deep sigh comes from Gerard. A sigh filled with a strange mix of kindness and irritation.

“Come on. Let’s go out then,” he starts. “A walk in the snow… sounds kind of poetic anyway doesn’t it?” 

“Let’s do it for poetry then,” frank mutters, disappointed and angered at being just another part of the romance and art so desperately conjured, so carefully constructed. Is it living, trying eternally to be as the tragic character in some Victorian novel? 

‘Heathcliff and Cathy eat your fucking hearts out, Eustacia Vye rewrite that soliquoy, cos you’ve not got shit on us,’ Frank mused angrily through embittered thoughts; twisted by years of enduring Gerard’s quest to live like his heroes.

“Okay,” his friend said merrily. Complete ignorance a charm and a bitter pill in one.

He started for his coat and then door, almost tripping in his haste. Frank slowly picked up his own winter jacket, and asked himself why he could not just say no to this man?

***

The snow under foot felt firm and crisp, and Frank found a small pleasure in the crunch his footsteps made in its flawless complexion. He looked behind him and saw marred beauty. That perfect white blanket destroyed so entirely by his presence and touch. He glanced over sadly at his friend, who was staring up at the sky, and the trees dressed in snow, with dark looming birds sat in their branches. Was Winter such a solitary creature? Was Gerard? Would Franks clumsy, lumbering love, leave Gerard scarred and tainted like the snow? He shivered at the thought, and Gerard’s head snapped down to face his in reaction

“Cold?” He asked almost triumphantly, a tiny look of glee spreading across his features.

“No,” Frank replied gruffly, all the time wondering why his friend liked so much to revel in his discomfort and pain.

“Awwww…… Poor Frankie,” Gerard laughed, childlike grin plastered across that pretty face.

Frank walked ahead; the winter cold that he had been pinning for was beginning to feel unbearable now.

“Hey wait up!” Gerard called, stumbling as he sunk into the deepening snow.

His hand caught Frank’s tightly as he fell into his friend. Frank felt joyous, torturous, contact and span around to catch his falling companion.

Chest hit chest, hair brushed against counterparts’ and breaths fell out in unison. Clashing bodies and hands falling around torsos in response, felt like stumbling into a natural embrace. Eyes met, regrettably, and caused awkwardness to appear in a moment briefly but purely enjoyed. 

Gerard pushed against Frank in a bid to regain composure, but Frank held fast in their accidental pose.

“Can we?” He whispered through shaking lips. 

Gerard shook his head looking down. Frank felt fingers grip and tighten around the tops of his arms. Gerard looked up, searching his friend’s eyes, his features so filled with desperation and decked in desire.

“……In the snow?” He laughed incredulously in return.

Frank remained speechless; the pain of imminent rejection wracked his soul. He felt tears gather in his eyes and a sudden regret at having exposed his secret, shameful, desires filled him.

He closed his eyes, in pain, in utter emotional agony.

Frank felt delicate fingers on his cheek. Felt their warmth. Felt relief and hurt mix and then disperse. He recognised the pity and sympathy bestowed upon him and felt the shame of his own grateful response. Keeping eyes tightly shut, he felt those same slender fingers trail down to his neck, felt hot breath move over his face, and finally the sweetest contact of lips on his own. A wave of heat crept over his body, he felt impervious to the cold at that moment, immune to the winter chill, the wind that had previously lashed against his body and commanded shivers and shakes, now erased.

Gerard pulled away and looked straight at Frank with smiling eyes, running a hand through his ruffled, yet somehow still utterly perfect, black hair. That amused smile, seductive grin made Frank feel so very small, so very much like a child again. He took a step forward, begging for that glorious feel of contact again and seductively Gerard stepped back.

“Wait…..” He demanded in deceivingly soft tones.

With ease and effortless grace Gerard discarded his jacket, letting it settle on the white snow. Black on white. He stood in his thin black shirt like a beautiful demon amongst the purest white snow, seemingly unmoved by the chilling winds.

Gerard stepped forward, close enough that his lips brushed against Frank’s, the tease, the promise of another kiss causing him to tremble in utter excitement and anticipation. Swiftly, unexpectedly, Gerard unzipped Franks Jacket, and quickly relinquished it from its owner. It fell to the ground. Discarded, abandoned to the cold.

“What are you...?” His question stopped short by the force of lips clashing together in deepest violent prayer. This time Gerard teased Frank’s lips until they surrendered to his tongue, permitted its invasion and hummed at its touch.

Frank shivered now suddenly aware of how utterly exposed to the cold he was. Icy wind ripped through the cloth of his t-shirt, chilling flesh, chilling bone. Goosebumps formed on arms unclothed; and small tremors started to take hold of every part of his being.

Mercifully Frank felt hands trace around his waist, arms wrap around his body. Felt as Gerard pulled the pair even tighter together, demanding that their hips meet, arousal mutually evident, pressing hard into the other. Frank let out a moan, muffled and stifled by the kiss he was still blissfully locked in. The feeling of his desire being matched, his lust reciprocated was almost more than he could bare or even comprehend. He had wished for this so hard and for so long that now he had this wonderful moment he barely knew how to feel it. He ran desperately cold hands over a body that despite its slender frame stood unmoved by the biting cold. Frank felt shame as his own, so invaded by the wintry frost, so devastated by its touch, twitched and shuddered involuntarily. 

A palm slid up from their embrace, across torso and greeted Frank’s chest. Flat and still, it contrasted painfully with shakes and trembles. It felt strong and calm, against a heart beating out of control. With little effort and impressive force it shoved its target down towards the ground. 

Frank felt at first the pleasing softness of compacted snow supporting his frame, and then the biting cold that suddenly tore at his flesh. Soon the snow, melting quickly from his body heat, soaked his t-shirt and caused it to cling; damp and cool against his skin. The sensation almost unbearable was a price he knew he had to pay; his penance to Gerard, an unspoken exchange for this heavenly act. Gerard demanded his moment of romance; demanded that this be something of artistic merit, literary note.

As his friend fell upon him, violence and elegance restrained yet apparent, Frank felt a slight sensation of loss plague him, realising now that there was nothing left to wish for. Nothing at all, not one thing in existence, could ever exceed this. He asked himself what was there left to dream for, to hope for now?

The shock of thoughts interrupted, by the feel of kisses dashed across his throat, up to his jaw and planted around his lips, was divine. He was all too aware their intention was just another tease. But he didn’t care, not when the game was so wonderful, when the actions meant to playfully wound, instead filled him with a wondrous and intoxicating high. 

“Gerard…” Frank spoke through hot breaths, laced in desire, short and unsteady. 

Gerard’s eyes flashed in pleasure, the pleasure of being desired so completely.

Frank reached up to place a shaking hand onto a quiet cheek. So utterly perfect, dignified and still. He spread fingers slowly over its surface, trailed them up into falling raven locks. Franks eyes became lost in his companion’s. 

‘How could they be so beautiful? Who decided so brashly and so thoughtlessly to bestow such gifts upon this man? A mere mortal so entirely perfect in every aspect, in every feature. Who can condemn him for the way he uses those eyes, that body, that smile?’ Frank thought deliriously.

Lips clashed again. Lips sore and swollen from careless, haste filled kisses. Hands took possession of Frank, found his waist and hips and gained a violent hold. Such gentle, welcome, violation. Frank could feel his friend attempting to take him over entirely and he secretly willed him to do so. 

Gerard parted from their kiss, parted from the oppressive embrace he had commanded. He watched from above in cool domination, watched his friend’s chest rise and fall, rise and fall. Listened to small gasps and desire shortened breaths. Stared at parted lips and cheeks lightly flushed pink. Gerard stared down and smiled deeply; so entirely deeply that he smiled with every part of his being.

He leant down towards Frank. Let lips hover by his ear, let hot breaths fall over and onto his friend’s shivering skin and, with every fragment of his being, he relished the moment.

“Let’s head back, huh?” He whispered coolly, a wry grin barely contained; so poorly concealed.

Frank’s eyes widened in sheer torturous pain. He felt the air cruelly knocked out of his chest, his lungs recoil and scream in response to unbearable starvation. Felt his heart stop. Stop so suddenly and entirely that the encroachment of blood in his veins, quietened and stilled. Finally broken his heart sunk. Sunk so far that it dropped out and fell onto the freezing snow below him. And Frank felt not even a trace of all the things that were once physically in his being, the only sensation present was the complete and utter anguish of ultimate hurt. 

“Its getting dark and I’m kind of tired…” Gerard lied through gleaming eyes, where sadistic pleasure danced barely concealed below the surface. He had had his fill of being desired and now Frank was entirely surplus to requirements.

Frank nodded and pressed his lips together, physically suppressing the urge to shout, to spit out venom that was entirely, truly, deserved. 

Gerard pulled himself up swiftly, moved away and began to check his composure. Frank sunk his head further into his snowy bed, begging to be eaten, consumed by its shallow depths. Felt the cold bite around his features, and attempted to blot out the intense ache plaguing his soul, with physical hurt. But nothing could possibly exceed this, this terrible sensation of a breaking heart. 

His friend walked towards him and held out a hand in a purposely grand gesture. Wordless their exchange of looks said it all. Frank stared up pitiful and broken, his heart and soul entirely cleaved in two. His friend stared down exultant, empowered and renewed.

Pitifully Frank conceded to defeat, his body conquered. Cruelly pillaged and thoughtlessly decimated. He held his hand up to the other in submission; knowing that in that act he had conceded to their roles. Their fates were now indelibly sealed.

As his body parted the cool ground, he left his heart there shivering in the snow.

***

_Gerard… he makes me think of winter._

Not just that winter gone past, that moment when he took my lips in his own and destroyed every part of me that was still warm, that was still a part of summer. 

I mean that his very being, it is winter in human repose. 

A lover so like winter leaves you cold. 

A lover so akin to that season that it chills you to the bones, to your very core, until you have a slice of ice of your own lodged deep in your chest where your heart should be. 

Instead of that beating organ, there lies a memento of a deed gone past, a terrible, eternal gift that you cannot for the very life of you melt away. __

**Author's Note:**

> Contest Entry  
> Prompt/Theme: Winter


End file.
